Friend or Follow: Why Not Both?

Posted on February 28, 2010 by in Gary Vaynerchuk, Internet, Life
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I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about where I connect with people the most online. It has brought me to an observation I found quite interesting. I’ve noticed, whether we have a large or small web presence, really makes no difference, but that the people I engage with online have quite a bit more followers versus friends (or vice versa) on Facebook versus Twitter. Including me. I was wondering if there is a reason for that. I’ve even noticed the “internet celebrities” have this same factor themselves. For example, Gary Vaynerchuk has well over 800,000 Twitter Followers but on his Facebook fan page, the last I checked, was a little over 40,000 people. My Facebook page is private, although I have close to double the connections as I do on Twitter. I would have to say I am more open on Twitter due to the fact the conversation goes fast and I feel more comfortable kidding, joking and being more myself. On Facebook, I suppose it’s a little more serious tone for me, although I do tend to try and cut up from time to time and have a good time. I was curious as to how you feel about this? Is there a specific reason you believe causes this to occur? Do you know of anyone who has large connectivity that is about the same on both sites? Or, are they just so different in what they deliver as a service to us that we have that much different of a connectivity level for both always? Would love to know your take on this and how you feel they differ and what they mean to you.

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  • Dana Campbell

    I tend to agree with Dan Gordon. On Twitter you can joke more easily with your Twitter Friends! I personally feel more comfortable saying a prayer, Wish everyone a Happy Day, Tweetin Gotta Run, and Good Morning! Tweeting “Rock, Paper, *Chuck Norris*” to my Twitter friends. It felt great when my Twitter friends were the first to say “sorry about your loss when my Dad passed away in January. Is it easier to say nothing but many Twitter Followers said some beautiful words. Some even found my address and sent my family cards of sympathy and encouragement. I feel like I can Laugh, Love, and still Run all of my marathon training miles (in my spare time) when I am not on Twitter! #In love with Twitter!

  • http://www.TheMrsOklahomaPageant.com/ Lauri Rottmayer

    I couldn't have put it better myself. You pretty well described how I treat twitter and facebook.:-)

  • http://paulmccord.net paulmccord

    I agree with you. I use Twitter way more than I do Facebook though I get a lot of people answer my Twitter on Facebook. I guess with me it is that Twitter is so fast and easy even if you do not have a smart phone. They have SMS messaging and it automatically updates all of the others whether it be Facebook, Friendfeed or Google Buzz. It is so much easier and people are quick to respond.

  • DanGordon

    Thanks, Dana. Appreciate your comments on this subject. I agree 100% as you can see. I just feel it's more personable, and the new friendships of great people that care when something tragic happens is so really and immensely valuable. Had similar experience when My wife's Dad passed away recently. Thanks , Again. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and Happy Sunday! :)

  • DanGordon

    Thanks, Lauri! :) Appreciate the kind words! Never would have talked about Combalyzers or Comblocks if weren't for the power of Twitter, right ? :)

  • DanGordon

    Thanks, Paul. Appreciate the comments. That brings up another interesting subject to me. When you feed the Twitter updates into Facebook. Does that create more work for you? Or do you find it valuable to talk to 2 different sets of connections and learn different information from both? Thanks, Again. Really Appreciate you taking the time to post.

  • amySO

    Wow, this is interesting. I am the odd man out on this one. When I am on Facebook I have asked or been asked to be that person's friend. When I ask for/ accept a friend it is a mutual thing. I have a closer connection to that person. My friends and I get completely silly on Facebook. I found out the other night there are people who read my FB posts because they think we are funny. I never realized that part.
    But on Twitter there is no “handshake” like accepting a FB friend. I don't know most of my followers or those that I follow. That feels less personal to me. I read Twitter more than I post to it.
    I also think the format makes a big difference FB feels like being at a party with friends and acquaintances (due to the “handshake”) but Twitter feels like a crowded bar. The people are friendly but not all friends. On Twitter you are yelling across a crowded room but on FB you just yell across a crowded table.

  • DanGordon

    I am so glad you posted this, I wanted to hear a different perspective and I love your analogies on your experience with them. I can totally see where you are coming from and I think it's so spot on right. I wonder why it works so different like that for all of us. Thanks so much, Amy for sharing your experience with it all. Really makes me wonder even more so, how does it end up different for everyone. One idea that comes to mind is pretty simple. Who we know more so on each site to begin with, but I'm also convinced there's more to it than just that. Thanks Again! Have a Great Sunday! :)

  • http://twitter.com/dustbury Charles G Hill

    While there is some overlap, my Twitter followers are more likely to be local to me but not necessarily friends; my Facebook friends are almost always, well, friends, but most of them aren't here in town. To a certain extent, I treat them as two separate audiences, and I don't copy posts from one service to the other. (I do generate tweets from blog posts, but I don't send those updates to Facebook.)

    I don't consider this dichotomy disadvantageous, since local tweets will tell me what's going on in town and FB friends will tell me what's going on with their lives, two areas of interest that seldom collide.

  • Rich Anderson

    Interesting conversation, Dan. My approach is pretty simple. I use Facebook to keep up with people I've developed face-to-face personal relationships over the years — primarily friends from high school and college and colleagues from various work experiences. In my case, most of these people are still not using Twitter so I don't have the same opportunities to converse with them via that channel as maybe others do.

  • DanGordon

    Very interesting. I operate in the same fashion as regards to the cross posting aspect. I would imagine my facebook friends wouldn't understand 99% due to the fact I'm having conversation which they are not seeing the other side of it. I also have many facebook friends that have no interest whatsoever in Twitter, so therefore I have some on both but usually it's a Twitter overlap into Facebook, not the reverse. Thanks for your experiences with them in regards to this topic, appreciate you taking the time to share.

  • DanGordon

    Thanks, RIch. Also very interesting. I am realizing that most all of us have very different relationships on either/or facebook and Twitter. I have formed so many new friendship, I mean alot, through Twitter. also reunited with several. Facebook has not really garnered me near as many new connections as Twitter, which could be surprising due to the fact my facebook connections are double the amount of Twitter. I guess it also proves the obvious. It's not about the number, it's all about the value in the friendships that we form as a result of making any amount of connections, no matter what the number may be. Thanks for taking the time to post and share your approach. Appreciate it very much!

  • prosperitygal

    WOW I so agree and disagree…I love twitter for the speed, speed, speed. As for the comment someone said liking facebook because it seems more of a handshake I totally disagree, if I have to wait for you to friend me back I have done 15 million other things since then, I want interaction and nothing is more personal that a conversation that happens vs one that might happen if there are there at same time-which doens't happen often with Facebook.

  • DanGordon

    Very interesting concept which I can definitely respect. Thanks for taking the time to post. I really like that different view point… it makes a lot of sense either way to me. I guess it just boils down to and depends on your own personal communication preferences… if that makes any sense? Thanks Again, I really value your comments. Like all sides!

  • http://www.RambleOnRon.com/ Ron Samuelson

    Nice post Dan. I just became friends with a guy named David Gans on facebook who is one of the world's leading experts on the Grateful Dead and their history, shows, etc. He hosts a show on Sirius right now. So I requested him with a nice little note and he accepted. I was pretty psyched about it until I saw that he had over 4,900 friends. Then I was thinking that he just accepts everyone and it was no big deal. Just a thought.

  • DanGordon

    Thanks, Ron. Appreciate you taking the time to share the experience and your thoughts on it. Very interesting to me. It's sounds as if he might be mistakenly using a profile as a fan page? :) I know you know what I mean. :) Nevertheless, I have really been thinking about this a lot lately. Value of Connections. The Twitter numbers game and the people who have tons of thousands of followers seem to have much less a presence on Facebook, and vice versa. I know and have seen the follower paid software stuff out there, I know it exists (yuk) but other than that, the real people like us seems to go lopsided one way versus the other. Even guys like Vaynerchuk, Brogan, Godin, etc…Maybe it's just who you know of more on either site. I think Twitter does enable one to have much more opportunity to meet new people with its' Follow method, as Facebook has to be a binding mutual agreement to connect so therefore the person must know me and I know them. I'd love to know what you think really drives this…. is it the differences of interaction on how each site approaches the forming of new and growing existing relationships? And now Google has thrown Buzz in the mix. Be interesting to see how that grows. THanks Ron, I really appreciate you taking the time to stop by. See you in Chicago. Peace, DG

  • http://twitter.com/ketelsen Katie Ketelsen

    this might sound kinda snotty…but sometimes I feel like Twitter was sooo 2009. whether that is based on my fascination with twitter at this point…I don't know. But I do guard my Facebook more closely as it shows a great deal of pics about me. good thoughts D

  • http://paulmccord.net paulmccord

    Not any work at all. Whether someone posts on either side does not really matter because I receive an email on my phone that tells me that someone has posted a comment. I just go to the site that has the comment. I enjoy your posts on Twitter, Facebook, and Google Buzz.

  • http://paulmccord.net paulmccord

    Facebook will not show the posts that have the @. If you are talking to someone on Twitter and use the reply, they will not see it on Facebook at all.

  • DanGordon

    Great to know. I didn't think about that. Thanks, Paul.

  • DanGordon

    Gotcha. Makes sense… & Thanks, Likewise Paul. Enjoy reading your posts, as well.

  • DanGordon

    I am the same in being much more protective on Facebook. Has so much more personal & family pics.

  • Paula

    I think you know, Dan, I am all about the twitter. I actually do not actively update my Facebook – I even have my twitter updates post on there, in case there is someone that I am friends with on there that doesn't use/follow me on twitter.
    One thing to note is that I do have two Facebook pages and two twitter accounts – one for personal/family/old friends and one for my blog/beauty connections. I do this to specifically keep the two arenas separate, just as I do in real life. As for my blog Facebook page, I have so much overlap with my twitter people I interact with, I haven't been compelled to really do more on Facebook. Twitter has been so effective in achieving connections & the speed in which information can be shared can not be beat.
    My personal Facebook page/twitter page is filled with much different people – so many migrated from MySpace and primarily do the games/quizzes/ etc that just drives me nuts, so it actually drives me away from interacting more.
    I also find that i have a 5:1 ratio of followers to people I follow on twitter, as more people want to hear what I have to say than those that I actually interact with – which is not nearly as easy to accomplish on Facebook, imo. So, that said, I def use twitter much more than Facebook.

  • DanGordon

    Gotcha! I agree Paula on many counts. Twitter is more conversational. Also, I had a very different mix in the beginning of Friends on Facebook versus people I followed and follow me back on Twitter. Over time that has changed. I met a ton of new people through Twitter and eventually we have found each other on Facebook, but still the conversation is way more abundant for me on Twitter most of the time. I also do personal and business pages for both. The Samuel Gordon Fan Page is exclusively for the company. My personal Facebook is a little of both, but mainly personal. I only post jewelry related items if I feel it's something of importance I really want to get the word out that I think people might want to know. Also with Twitter I started a personal account first, so I did in fact, post some random jewelry items, but as the Samuel Gordon Twitter account eventually came to exist, I really migrated tweeting most of the Jewelry stuff from there. I do on my personal a little but not nearly as much. Also, when Facebook came out with the ability to feed posts to tweets for Fan Pages I quickly jumped on doing that because I was doing it anyways, it just saved me half the work. Anyway, Sorry for the long winded comment. I really Appreciate your thoughts and experiences and definitely for taking the time to post!

  • charlieshelden

    Good question and great observation. For myself, I find that my facebook and twitter connections are different while some do crossover it is seldom at best. I find I use facebook to maintain and connect with those I know or have known. While for me, I find it easier to connect with someone new through twitter, whether that be a commercial product or just a like minded group or such. Some of these friendships have migrated to my facebook as well…but we seem to mostly engage via twitter still.

    I find facebook to be more personal, I don't know why that is. Where Twitter I find I can connect with people outside my social circle much easier. I think maybe with twitter you are limited to what you can say so you get right to the point (unlike this post). Who knows….oh so much to ponder.

  • DanGordon

    Totally agreed, Twitter is much more relationship forming although not quite as personable, at least in the beginning, due to having more long time friends on Facebook. Interesting aspect to it, as well. The relationships we form, how we connect, and as a result how our behavior follows on each site differently…just like in real life circumstance. Meeting and networking versus going out with old longtime friends from all the way back. I Really Appreciate your thoughts on this, and taking the time to take it even a step further. Had no idea this topic had so much depth.

  • charlieshelden

    Conversation Dan is a long lost art, I think we try to do it, but we fail. We seem to be always thinking of our responses. Silence is an amazingly powerful tool in conversation, it gives us room to exchange an idea for example…let thoughts sit and be absorbed. Perhaps with Twitter we create these spaces (silence) through the time it takes to respond or even if we choose to respond. Would you say you reply more to others tweets or facebook updates? I would say I'm 70/30 facebook/twitter.

  • DanGordon

    TRULY GREAT point on conversation being an artform. I couldn't agree more. I enjoy great conversation almost more than anything activity-wise in life. It's just amazing to me to get, hear from others, share, learn, evolve and also, most importantly I feel give back and share what you've learned with someone else. As far as the replying goes. I try my dead level best to answer everything I can on either/or any of the site I use to communicate. It is out of respect and I have always had this theory that if someone take the time to post, tweet or “say” something to me, I should return the courtesy every single time. Now, I also know alot of people think I'm absolutely nutso for doing this. And, I must admit it's getting much more difficult as I have formed so many wonderful friendships over a long period of time. But I want it to come from me and I want it to be authentic. The only thing I could possibly see as a solution that I would be OK with and bring myself to consider, is letting someone I know who would do a great job taking over the Samuel Gordon Twitter and Facebook that works in the store and gets Social Web stuff. The list of social sites I use has grown so to such a high volume, I guess I'm saying that I might, at some point need to consider letting in some air, so I don't suffocate. Does that make any sense at all? I sure hope so :)

  • jrr2ok

    I tend to break my social activity into three buckets that may intersect from time to time. I use Twitter for quick info blasts of either a personal or business nature (I don't care which). Because I spend a lot of time with my phone, I tend to manage most of my Twitter activity from there, too. I use Facebook as a bulletin board or long-term relationship management tool. I manage my friend requests, but I'm judicious about it. Finally, I use LinkedIn for business purposes, and I'm VERY strict about connecting on LinkedIn. With a couple of exceptions, I only connect with LinkedIn connection whom I've met face to face. We don't have to be close, but I trust my instincts on someone's “vibe” better after a physical encounter.

  • http://dangordon.me/ Dan Gordon

    Thanks, Jim. Seems like a great plan of action to stay organized and efficient. I am getting way more into using LinkedIN and really starting to see the enormous value in it. It was something I wasn't giving muh attention. I suppose it reminded me of Plaxo back in the day, but when I saw the activity of friends and colleagues heighten in its' usage, I focused on understanding it much more intensely. I really like how you describe Facebook. I agree very much so. I have described Twitter as a conversation that moves quickly. Just like in real life conversations. There is less of a timeline, if any with Twitter. Just keeps on moving. On Facebook, I'm right there with you… view it as more of a diary, a log that tells a story which one can go back into and have more options to tap content from the past. Anyway, I really appreciate you taking the time to post. It's really interesting how most of us have some definitive parallels on how we use one site/service versus the other. Hope to talk again soon. Thanks! DG

  • http://twitter.com/oushadow Carl

    I have close to the same number of friends/followers, however, I keep the same tone on both. I clown around, share links, give shout outs to people and businesses I connect with, etc. I can see this changing if I continue my current level of Twitter activity. The more you tweet, the more followers you get. I tend to only friend people on facebook that I actually know or have met face to face. There are a few exceptions. If I find that I tweet back and forth with someone and we have common interests, I extend or have been extended a friend request. I love when I get the chance to meet Tweeps face to face and shake their hand though.

    Not many of my facebook friends tweet much. I kind of like the difference in audiences. I have more focused connections on twitter. There is something that person is saying that catches my eye. I've been explaining that dynamic to my wife @beladonah. She is getting more active on twitter, to my delight!

    Love the question Dan! We gotta meet sometime.

  • http://dangordon.me/ Dan Gordon

    Thanks, Carl. It's very interesting to me that you have about the same amount of connections on both sites. I was looking to hear from someone that did. Also, That's really what this blog topic started out as, but now much of the discussion has gone even deeper. Had no idea the depth. It really sounds like you and I have an almost identical experience with Facebook friends not being into Twitter as much, and also if the following connections on Twitter eventually become more meaningful, then a friend connection is made in some cases over on Facebook which I like because I feel that I have really made a new friend in “real” life. Really interesting subject to me, on the spouse using Twitter. I also have tried to get, my wife, @aimeegordon to tweet more. She resisted at first, and still Facebook is definitely her thing. But, I think it's mainly due to her real life friends not being interested in, or using Twitter much at all. If they were all using it, I am pretty positive she would be on there more. Since Facebook is easier for them to share pictures, I assume, would be a huge reason too. Anyway, Thanks Carl very much for taking the time to post and share your thoughts and experience. Some great thought provoking comments going on here. Hope we get even more. Fun Stuff! :)

  • charlieshelden

    Dan I think you are spot on. You can be covered quickly with all the various networks and contacts. Especially considering your commitment to always respond, of course you do not need to respond to this :) . I think it would be good to allow someone who “gets it” handle the corporate side. I think that would help a lot. Enjoy the blog, as well I enjoy the comments.

  • http://theurbansprawl.com/ Amish Zaver

    I myself have wayy more “acquaintances” on Facebook than i do friends, even less friends/acquaintances on twitter, mainly “connections”, BUT all serve their purpose to “network”. However, the ability to delete/repost just means communication can be heavily manipulated to get the wording just right, to prompt a desired response, im guilty of it and im sure im not alone.

    This isnt necessarily altogether bad, whether you know the individual, only met them once or speak to them everyday. Ive found that these mediums have helped me brake the ice, keep a connection alive or relay a message, so that when i do eventually see the individual, theres far less animosity and awkwardness, get straight to the business since we've already flirted, ha.